The New York Times recently invited its readers to share their life lessons with this season’s college graduates. I have posted my responses and am sharing these here. The writing prompts are in italics

Have you learned a life lesson that you think could help others? Was there a choice you made that you are grateful for, or any regrets you have? Share your story here.

I am just turning 70 years old and retiring from a twenty-year career as a sociology professor. I earned a PhD when I was nearly fifty years old after a long career in child welfare, corrections, nonprofit management, higher education reform, policy aide to the Governor of Rhode Island, factory work, VISTA service in Alabama as a construction worker,  savings bonds processor for the federal government, conflict mediator and short order cook and waitress. In none of these jobs was I following my passion. That never occurred to me. Instead I fit the circumstances called for because people I encountered recognized in me a talent or strength, I didn’t know I had. I took opportunities that came up because they paid the rent or because they seemed interesting or because someone asked me to take a position. I learned a lot about myself and my ability to work in lots of different situations. I was put in situations that were uncomfortable, where I saw abuse of power and corruption and where I saw immense courage and sacrifice on the part of my colleagues. As I look at these jobs, I can’t say that I ever wasted time in any of them, or that I should have always been a college professor much earlier in my career. I don’t believe in “callings” really or in being trained particularly for a job. Even if you are deeply trained in a profession like medicine, law, or sociology or in a craft like carpenter, that says little about the sort of doctor or lawyer or professor or skilled craftsperson you will be. It is what we make of the work before that makes all the difference. I have been blessed with opportunities where I had a chance to create or to advocate for those with less or be kind and open to those who just needed a good cup of coffee and a warm smile.

What would tell a young person just making their way in the world?

After counseling thousands of students over my career as both an adjunct professor and a full time academic, I offer advice that runs contrary to conventional wisdom. I urge them NOT to create a life plan, NOT to think of their education as just another set of hoops to jump through on their way to a high paying job, NOT to think of liberal arts as something to avoid or diminish and NOT to pursue their passions. There are no straight lines to that perfect life because your understanding of yourself, your loved ones, the larger world, why you are here changes as you grow older and encounter the world. To me, a greatest gift we give ourselves is to life with a purpose, connecting and seeking things well outside your comfort level. The deepest learning happens when we are uncomfortable, at a loss, when we see ourselves, our strengths and our weaknesses through a different lens.

I would also counsel them NOT to delay caring about the world and its challenges. Every day in every action we take we either make the world a better place or we don’t. Understanding this reality takes a lot of work and it forces us to move beyond our baked-in inclination to think of ourselves and our needs first. I would also urge them to carefully consider and calibrate all the time and energy individuals and institutions have invested in them to date. The earlier they recognize the contributions of those around them to their success, the better off they will be and we will be as a larger community. It takes the unusual young person in our individualistic culture to make this a practice.

Launching in today’s environment is a lonely thing, despite all the digital connectivity. You need to find your people and your community. In the long run, nothing will really matter except making connections with people who you cherish for who you are and who you will become. It is an immense challenge for any young person not to be whipsawed by the false promises of celebrity and instant fame and fortune. Always think carefully about what you have made your “God” and how that object of worship and obedience forms who you are as a person and everything you do as an individual.